Guys and Dolls

I'm not politically correct.  Partly because I'm a grouch and I hate such nonsense, and, partly, because PC is anathema to thoughtful public discourse.

For those from Arkansas, that means that you can't talk right about things when the man tells you what you're supposed to think.



Dutch 11 weeks

Hell, what am I thinking... if you're from Arkansas, you probably can't read anyway.  Seriously, they chose a pig for their university mascot.  Get real.

I was thinking a few politically incorrect thoughts this weekend.  Shouldn't come as a surprise because ALL my thoughts are politically incorrect because I am politically incorrect.  If you're not from Arkansas, I'm sure you see the connection.

Here are all three of my big thoughts:

1. Dogs are not Humans.
2. Women are not Men.
3. Men are not Women.


Not very earth shattering, I know, but there ya have it.  And, no, I have no genetic link to anyone in Arkansas.  That alone nets me 10 IQ points.

As you may know from Regarding Dutch, we have a new puppy now.  Naturally, I've been watching a lot of Cesar Millan the past week or so. 

It's sort of like watching a reality TV show about juvenile delinquents and then spending all day worrying that your kid is going to be a dope dealer.

If you watch enough Cesar, though, there's a few themes that are always present.  One of which is:

A DOG IS A DOG.

In America, we treat dogs like people.  That's so sweet, isn't it?  Turns out that it's not sweet at all.  That's how you make a dog go crazy.  Watch Cesar and you'll see what I mean.

That got me to thinking.  We have turned things so upside down that it's not just dogs who get this treatment.  We do it with genders, too.

If you're not paying attention, I'm a man.  Male.

I'm now going to make some generalizations.  If you fit the description, then you're welcome.  Now you have some things to work on.  If you do not fit the description, then you are either in denial, or you're an outlier.  Either way, don't give me grief about it.

Here's the deal: Men and Women don't think alike.  They don't act alike.  They aren't looking for the same things out of life.

That's VERY politically incorrect.  Nowadays, we're all supposed to be the same.  I don't know if it would be good or bad if we were, but that's not the point.  The point is, we're not.

Me and Jack Webb: Just the facts, ma'am or sir.  We can choose to like it or not like it, but it's just the way it is.

I should probably go ahead and get this out of the way.  If you're a woman reading this, you may be tempted to think that I think that a man's way is better.  No, I don't think that.  I didn't say one was better than the other; I said that we are different.  Big difference.

If one gender wants to drive the other crazy, just treat him or her like you'd treat someone of your own gender.  That's a crazy maker.  Just like the dog thing: if you treat a dog like a people, he'll go crazy and eat your briefcase.

Women and Men say all kinds of things that the other just doesn't understand.

Women say things like, "Well, if you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you.  If you really loved me, you'd already know."

Men say things like, "I'm hungry, what's for dinner."  "I'm going fishing."  "Be quiet, the game's on."

Women sit around wondering, "I wonder if he REALLY loves me."

Men wonder, "does she ever shut up?," and, "I wonder when I'm going to see something naked again."

If a thinking man was to ponder on all of this, a question might occur to him.  Since it's just me, though, all I can say is what occurs to me.

"Why do men and women say such things?"

The question, as I see it, is, "is there something in the makeup of a man or woman that leads to such?"  Put another way, we might wonder if the things we say and think are just the symptoms of something deeper.

Think of it the way Cesar thinks about dogs.  When people see a dog with a penchant for biting, they always conclude that the dog is aggressive, but Cesar knows that the dog may be aggressive or he may be afraid.  See?  The biting is the symptom, but the root of the dog's personality is the key to unlocking the problem.

It seems to me that the silly things we say and do are simply the result of our personalities.  We might also say that these things are the result of the special needs that men and women have.  And those needs are very different.  This makes sense because our natural jobs are very different.

Now, I can almost feel the objections.  "Women can do anything a man can do."  Well, it depends on multiple factors.  But I'm not here to argue about what a woman or a man can or can't do.  I'm saying something quite different.  I'm talking about our drives, our needs.  And they are different.


To start with a simple example, we can say that a woman has a need to be rescued.  A man has a need to quest.

Again, I feel the resentment of some women already flowing through the keyboard.  "I certainly do not need to be rescued.  I'm doing fine, thank you very much."  I'm not saying that you're not doing fine.  I'm not saying you're not strong.  Lord knows that I know and love a lot of strong women.  I'm talking about what makes our motors run.  What delights us.

See, a woman doesn't feel the need to be rescued because she's weak; she has a need to be rescued so that she knows that she's worth rescuing.  That's the key.  When she knows that someone wants to rescue her, she knows that she's valuable.  Whether or not she needs it, or whether she ever gets rescued is beside the point.  The point is that she is valuable enough to be rescued.  She's desirable.  That's one of the keys to a woman's core.

As for a man, he needs a quest.  That's why men love sports and war.  They want to know if they "have what it takes."  A man is constantly asking himself if he's man enough.

This manifests itself in many different ways, some healthy, some not.  It's the same with the rescuing thing.  Some women manifest this as a healthy need, some don't.

Some men have very long range, lifelong quests, and some have a series of very short term quests.  Some have a combination of both.  But the root is always the same: The Quest.  "Can I climb that mountain?"  "Can I catch the biggest fish?"  "Can I win the contest?"

To truly be healthy, each gender must do his or her best to look at the world the way the other does.  When we do that, we get a glimpse of the other side and, perhaps, it doesn't seem as silly.  We'll never truly see the other side because we're not built that way.  I can't truly see the world from a woman's point of view, but I can see enough of it to understand that it's not as silly as I might have thought when I was younger.  My gal likes that I take time to try to understand her.  There are even times when I've been able to show her things about herself that she didn't know.  The difference between us in this regard is that she can actually feel those things, but I can't.  All I can do is have an intellectual understanding of her drives and needs.

Other men should do their best to do the same.  By the same token, ladies should do their best to understand what drives men.  If they do, they will have more fun with their men, and their men will enjoy them more.

My gal tries hard to do this.  Sometimes she hits it, sometimes not.  Sometimes she'll be certain that I'll like a certain thing because she's trying to think about life from my point of view and she misses the mark completely.  Those are some of the best times because we can laugh about it and it gives me a chance to make fun of her.  I really like that part.  Also, it leads us to great conversations.  We both learn from each other as we go.

If you read Tolerating Picasso, you may remember the quote mentioned there.  I heard a preacher once say, "If all you can do is ridicule another religion, then you don't truly understand it."

So, adapting the quote, I'll say this: if all you can do is make fun of the other gender, then you don't truly understand it.  That's not to say that we shouldn't make fun of each other.  Where's the fun in that?  We're all goofy.  We all say and do silly things.  But all those things come from a very deep place.

One of my quests in life is to know as much about my lady as possible, and that includes what her gender brings to the table.  If I don't understand her as a woman, I might as well understand her as a dog, or as a feminine shaped version of me.

Now, that's a silly idea.

Questing on,

TheCurmudgeon

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